Hotel Rich

Jesse and I practiced our spontaneity last week by renting a car and packing up to drive to California. We never just decide to go on the spur of the moment. Trips are typically planned weeks or months in advance because there's always work or school. But last week work ended for me on Thursday, and Jesse's classes are wrapping up, and he's so "astute" anyway that he could have spared three weekends without studying.

So right after work, we picked up our Nissan Versa Hatchback and promptly got stuck in rush hour traffic on our way to Provo. Once we got going at real speed, we made good time and arrived at our final destination, Hotel Rich, at 2:30 AM (UT time).

We spent Friday at Newport Beach, where Jesse asked me to ensure that his back was adequately covered in sun screen. I covered his back, he covered mine. If people gave out report cards for effective application of sun screen, I would fail with flying colors. I rode home with sunburn everywhere--except for my back. Thanks Jesse! And by the end of the day, Jesse's whole back had turned the shade of those plastic ornamental lawn flamingos, minus the five spots where I distinctly recall aiming the Bullfrog spray bottle. Sorry Jesse!

Hotel Rich offered excellent accommodations, as usual--better than the low-rate Priceline deals at Christmas. Here's why:

1) Individually wrapped Dove Chocolates are deposited on top of the pillows.

2) Funny little people are accessible at most times--whether it's Audra asking if her bum is fat (she's two-and-a-half), Evan reading Dr. DeSoto and demonstrating his concept of print awareness by reading the words on the signs in the illustrations that aren't actually words in the story, or Skylee who has solved the problem of body temperature regulation by shaving her legs.

This time we saw Megan, Jacob, and Lexi, who we hadn't seen in years! The last time we saw them was Thanksgiving in Reno, 2007. I was just about to finish student teaching and had a massively tedious project due in December, so I spent a lot of time doing homework. Lexi was maybe three at the time, and she sat on the bed in the guest room, coloring on scrap paper and watching me work. When I was out of earshot, she said to Laura, "Mommy, Sarita's perfect." Laura said "perfect" was Lexi's then current word for everything which met her approval.

3) Animals are allowed. I finally got to see the chickens in person, although they were monopolized by the grandchildren. The chickens were designated as rightful property in this order: Megan attached herself to Susie, because this chicken was the biggest, like Megan (the oldest), Barbie went to Jacob, and Bobbie, the smallest one, to Lexi. Lexi became distressed whenever Jacob held "her chicken."

The chickens spent most of their time trying to evade the grasps of Megan and Lexi, who at one point had cloistered all three of them in the upper reaches of the clubhouse for at least half an hour. Their attempts at escape thwarted, the chickens perched side by side on the bench and fell asleep.

Lexi decided that chickens would enjoy the playground as much as humans, so she tossed them or gently patted them down the metal slide whenever she thought nobody was looking. Jake had to intervene when Lexi tried to give Bobbie a boost up on the zip line. All this, I might add, is normal behavior for children, as it reminded me of how I used to dress up our cats in doll clothes and the time I walked my chicken to the elementary school playground behind our house and sat with it on the swings (a story for another time).

Jacob starred in a one-minute video on Granny's camera in which he runs around screaming in the process of escaping the clucking advances of both Susie and Barbie. After watching the video numerous times, Jacob was convinced that it would win second place on "America's Funniest Home Videos."

4) There was a pool. It was filled with Megan and Lexi and the chickens and their food and water trough contraptions. But there was still room for me to sit cross-legged inside.

When we went to Jake and Laura's hotel to try out the Hyatt Place pool, Lexi swam up to Granny, who was supervising pool activity from a safe place under the shade of some flimsy patio furniture, and asked, "Granny, which one is your favorite chicken?"

Granny said, "That's like asking me which is my favorite child." So Granny devised this politically correct answer: "I guess I like each chicken equally for different reasons. Barbie and Bobbie are cute, but I didn't feel as connected to Susie because she has a personality problem, and I feel like I've made progress with her."

Lexi didn't know how to respond, so she swam away.

5) Express food lanes are open 24-7. Staples of this visit featured bottomless pasta salad bowls, fruit smoothies, and homemade cheesecake. Starving is never an option.

6) We played our third favorite game. Cranium! Everyone knows that Pictionary is our absolute favorite, but we're too humble to subject others to the devastation of facing us as we expertly doodle things like "Pat Benatar" and "A rolling stone gathers no moss" or "gastric bypass diet" in record time. Whenever we play Pictionary, our opponents can just expect to be lapped around the board at least twice. Our second favorite is a tie between Citadels or the "Bean Game," depending on how vindictive I'm feeling. So that leaves Cranium, which I’m not sure why I like because I’m neither a “Star Performer” nor a “Data Head,” and I can’t spell backwards or hum on key. The appeal must be that the game always makes someone look silly--like when you're at a loss as to how to impersonate "Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen" (Abby would have come through for us!) or you're doing a poignant impression of "roller derby" and it's really obvious and your teammate can't figure it out. Sorry Jesse! What's not to like? It also must be the interchangeable hair pieces and hats on the players.

I give Hotel Rich 5 stars! The only disadvantage was the conspicuous absence of rubber flies and lizards strategically hidden around the premises. Although Jesse did find a fairly realistic wooden snake in one of Abby’s bedroom drawers.