Last day

In seventh grade, the first day of school is the best: everyone comes to class on time and is seated with new shoes, unsharpened pencils, eager whispering, and class schedules folded neatly in their pockets before the bell rings. Everything is new and shiny and kept under control until they start this: 

 

But because they’re only 12, it’s easier to forgive them, even when their biology makes them go nuts from March to June. On their last day of school, they have to stack their desks, those ones with the chairs soldered to the tables, on top of each other, and someone always feels compelled to climb in between the desks once they’re stacked, even after I told them not to. The kid who climbs between the desks always gets his head stuck. And then they all want to run around in circles in the middle of the empty classroom. It’s a spectacular waste of time and tax dollars.

In my university universe, the last day is the best. It’s everyone’s favorite day and they all come on time and sit attentively, awaiting instructions. It’s my favorite day because it means the end of this:

Because they know better, it's harder to forgive them. I thought teaching college would be different. But average college freshmen are shockingly similar to 7^th graders. When they get to college, they're just taller, hairier, and can sit still for longer periods of time. Their writing is a little better too.

The main difference, I suppose, is that when asked to describe themselves, seventh graders don’t have much to say, except that they like (or hate) Justin Bieber and their favorite food is Skittles. College students have slightly more interesting lives. This year, all the following described my students:

1.  I’m in the army

2.  I own a business with 20+ employees

3.  I was born in Belgium

4.  My favorite food is pickles and I eat them by the jar

5.  I’ve written two novels

6.  Will Smith is my role model!

7.  I moved to the U.S. from India

8.  I grew up in the Philippines

9.  I went to school with Adam Sandler’s nephew

10. I collect limited edition clothing

11. I have a jazz piano album called “The Movement” on iTunes

12. I played a lead role in Oklahoma! in high school

13. I love sharks

14. I’ve traveled internationally three times but have never been to New Jersey

15. I’m trying out for American Idol this summer

16. I frequent nude beaches

The last day of college freshmen is my favorite because, in 7^th grade, everyone runs out the door screaming with a trail of Starburst wrappers in their wake, and if they shout, “Bye, see you next year!!!!!” I shudder and think, “Holy Hannah, I hope not!” But freshmen are on their best behavior, and even the ones who sat in the back and texted the whole semester say thank you on their way out the door. The last day is the best because the student who writes his paper about entomophagy and brings in a Tupperware full of beetles gathered from outside his dorm to show me one day stays behind after everyone has gone, just to say that he started the semester thinking that he could never be a writer, but realized somewhere along the way that he can write, and that he can write well.

I’m always a little sad on the last day of college. But today, I was only sad for about five seconds before I realized that summer must be here because squirrel pancakes are back! As soon as I got home I put on shorts and sat in the sun reading The Bell Jar because a) I haven’t read outside in a LONG time, and b) the forecast for tomorrow says RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.